


everything ends

by Pixielle



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (finally woo!), Accidents, Betaed, Brotherly Affection, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Future Fic, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Major Character Injury, Mentions of Gender Identity, Nonbinary Character, Podium Family is Real, Red String of Fate, Trans Male Character, Trope Subversion, Victuri Wedding, life decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 12:37:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12984231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixielle/pseuds/Pixielle
Summary: "Yuuri had told him about the Red String of Fate legend in passing one day, after Yuri admitted that he and Otabek had met before and he didn’t remember it. Yuri thought it sounded like bullshit, and told Yuuri as much.A string was a weak, insignificant thing. Tying someone together with a string wasn’t valuable at all in Yuri’s mind, a light breeze and a tiny snag would break it and it would be lost in the wind. Yuri felt like the tie to him was a steel cable. And it was something bigger than he could understand at the time."





	everything ends

It hadn’t always been so easy.

Yuri never tried to deny the odd pressure in his soul, and when it came down to it. “Trapped in his body” was never how he felt, regardless of how much the media tried to push it down his throat after he had come out publically. No one had known outside of his family and Yakov, but it was something he wanted to be part of him, part of his public persona, because that meant he could help other people like him. He had grown up on media, and he had some hell of tough skin when it came to himself.

Over time, things started to make more sense to Yuri. Because of his low body weight and high activity lifestyle, he had been able to start T before the worst elements of puberty hit him, and he was able to maintain some semblance of control in that.

 _I won’t pass today._ occasionally cycled through his brain on bad days, and other days it never even occurred to him to think about it. It was him, his body, it was all he had control over. And yet, Otabek was surprisingly one of the things that made who he was difficult.

At least in the beginning.

~

 _Every turn I take, every trail I track_  
_Every path I make, every road leads back_  
_To the place I know, where I cannot go_

_Where I long to be._

They had met before he was out- shortly after he had gone on HRT, in fact. It was a new situation for Yuri to deal with, having a friendship that had turned so intense so fast. Not to mention the year of stress his senior debut had been. Being close to someone who wasn’t around frequently was difficult for Yuri to deal with. It made him angry. Well, maybe angry was just his default these days, but this made him angry AND frustrated.

Yuuri had told him about the Red String of Fate legend in passing one day, after Yuri admitted that he and Otabek had met before and he didn’t remember it. Yuri thought it sounded like bullshit, and told Yuuri as much.

A string was a weak, insignificant thing. Tying someone together with a string wasn’t valuable at all in Yuri’s mind, a light breeze and a tiny snag would break it and it would be lost in the wind. Yuri felt like the tie to him was a steel cable. And it was something bigger than he could understand at the time.

Years later, through pain and dancing around feelings and fascination and infatuation and misfortune and gold, Yuri finally started understanding what Yuuri meant. It was about being independent yet intertwined. Having their hand on your heart forever yet it not smashing to pieces as it’s pulled away. In the beginning, his heart felt bruised every time he was forced to end the phone call, close his laptop at the end of the night after Otabek had fallen asleep. But we all grow, and so did Yuri. And even though Yuri didn’t notice it as it was happening, so did Otabek.

~

 _Don't let it go like this_  
_Maybe we can grow from this_

 _Don't worry, my love, we're learning to love_  
_But it's hard when you're young_

 

Yuuri and Viktor had gotten married the summer after Yuri turned 19. After the majority of the guests had left, Yuri had gotten drunk on champagne with Phichit and Minako. Yuuri was surprisingly sober at that point because Viktor had hit it early in the evening as Yuuri’s father had casually forced him into bonding shots, and Yuuri was watching him with a close eye.

Yuri watched Yuuri follow the platinum haired man around for about 45 minutes with vague fascination, but by the time Viktor had wanted to withdraw into the sleeping quarters of the inn, he had been far too drunk and had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The wolf whistles had barely stopped when Yuuri came back out into the main area. He walked calmly into the kitchen and grabbed a sleeve of crackers out and a tall glass of water.

“Eat, Yurio, you’ll really feel it in the morning if you don’t. Lord knows your body doesn’t have any experience with drunkenness.” He said as he sat down on the cushion next to Yuri and sighed at Yuri’s empty champagne flute.

At the surprise of everyone, Yuri reacted like a pliant child to Yuuri, reaching for the water and downing it before pulling the crackers toward himself.

“You should have let him come with you, I know you guys were going through a hard time, but you’re meant to be now. Every honeymoon phase comes with struggle.”

“This doesn’t feel like a honeymoon, this feels like a tug of war. And he couldn’t come anyways, his sister’s baby is due any day now.” Yuri spit out through his teeth once he swallowed the dry mass of cracker. It ripped down his throat and he regretted drinking all of his water. _One more insignificant thing to add to the regret pile…_

Even in his drunken state, Yuri realized that was laying on his self deprecation a bit thick.

“I think you’re thinking too deeply about this… I think it’s a good thing you guys are being smart and cautious about this.” Yuuri said, a tone of concern tinging his opinion.

“You’re one to talk, you got engaged after eight months!! How can you talk about taking it slow like that?” Yurio spit out petulantly, any childlike patience evaporating.

Yuuri paused to smile at Yuri in that moment, and Yuri’s drunk self almost wanted to punch him, but he didn’t think that he could when Yuuri piped up again, “There was a reason our engagement lasted so long, you know that. We had our own rough patches too, after I moved to St. Petersburg and Viktor returned to the ice.”

Yuuri looked through Yuri then, a look of sass arose underneath his brotherly contempt, and Yuuri’s expression reminded Yuri of that morning in the Ice Castle lobby when he confronted him about why Viktor had left his entire life behind for him. “And speaking of things you know, you are well aware that our situation was completely different when we met than yours is. First of all, I was 23 years old when we started dating, not 17, so jot that one down, Yurio.”

Yuri’s eyes drop back to the table, he was hoping that Yuuri wouldn’t bring that into it like this. They all knew that Yuri had been too much of a literal and metaphorical baby to confess his feelings to Otabek until after they had been friends for well over two years, and it took time after that for anything to build. It was like turtle speed to Yuri, whose inherently impatient soul had been pulled taut like a rubber band. But he knew that it would be worth it, so he waited. And waited. And waited.

“You guys really love each other, right? Even when you were mad at him in Russia, you still loved him?” Yurio asked, shoving his bangs away from his face, wishing he had his ramen pins with him because they were starting to get really annoying.

“Well, yeah. I love him, and I assume he loves me, that’s kinda what today was about, Yurio,” Yuuri let out a small chuckle when Yuri rolled his eyes before continuing on, “Yes. Even when there were things wrong with our relationship, when we were both stressed out of our minds with worry that it wouldn’t work out, I still loved him. I love him now, and I think I’ll love him forever.”

Yuuri starts fiddling with his wedding band in subtle embarrassment then, and Yuri stares intently at Yuuri’s hand. When he thinks about his feelings for Otabek, it used to seem clear and pure, but life is inherently messy. But he has always felt like Otabek was his endgame, what he wanted for forever. In the moment, he compares himself to Yuuri, before scrunching his nose up at the thought.

“He treats me like something to be protected. When I was 16, I thought it was the most heroic chivalrous thing, someone who liked me for me while still caring about my public appearance. Just, as we’ve grown up, he doesn’t seem to notice that I’ve changed, what I want out of this has changed. Or maybe he doesn’t want to.”

“I don’t think he just wants to protect you, Yurio. Otabek is really a lot simpler than what you’ve made him out to be in your mind. You definitely make him nervous, and his cautiousness is just a reaction.”

Yuri debated the logic of that as well as he could, before replying, “I don’t try to. Is it so bad to know what I want out of life?”

“I don’t mean to bring age into this again, but you turned 19 three months ago, Yurio. Despite Otabek having the tiniest bit of dating experience before you, this is the first serious relationship for both of you. Just because figure skating is a sport for the young doesn’t mean your life ends when you retire. There is no ticking clock on your relationship, you can go as slow as you two want to,” Yuuri smiled warmly at Yurio then, “I think you two can survive anything together.”

 

~

 _“I'm not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts,_  
_Some superhero, some fairytale bliss,_  
_Just something I can turn to, somebody I can miss._

_I want something just like this.”_

As Yuri settled down under his duvet on the futon, he reached up for his phone charger and plugged it in, an instinct not lost to his still slightly tipsy mind. When the screen flashed on, he thumbed it on on impulse. _Don’t do it._ Yuri thought as he opened his messenger app, and opened Otabek’s chat. He slid his thumb up to reread the last messages.

From: beka♥️ - _i’m headed back to Almaty tomorrow, everyone is estimating Saya will be going into labor within a week. i’m really excited to meet my new niece or nephew, but i’m so nervous for Saya, Karima’s birth wasn’t easy on her at all, but they say that’s normal for first pregnancies._

Yuri cringed at his short, terse, unemotional _try to not be nervous, everything will work out, modern medicine and everything_ , and Otabek’s _okay._ that ended the conversation. He hadn’t realized how big of a deal the underlying scare was because Otabek had phrased it so cautiously, but now he could see the anxiety dripping from his statement. He really cared, he was truly scared for someone he loved.

Yuri loved that. Yuri loved him.

As his phone keyboard expanded, Yuri yawned dramatically. His eyes started to flutter close as he hit send.

To: beka♥️ - _I love you. Please know I love you, no matter what we decide, I will always love you._

~

When Yuri awoke the following afternoon to a loud chorus of vibrating coming from his phone, he slid it open and squinted at the text of the article link Yuuri had sent him a few minutes ago.

### “Kazakh figure skater & Olympic silver medalist Otabek Altin involved in major auto accident, no updates available”

Yuri’s stomach dropped, tears coming through as soon as he blinked, yet his headache was making him unable to comprehend what these words meant.

On impulse, he opened his chat to Otabek before realizing that didn’t make any sense. He wouldn’t be able to respond if...

Yuri noticed that another bubble had appeared that he had forgotten about. He reread what he had sent the night before, and he felt the sobs begin to wrack his chest when he breathed in, before realizing the small note underneath.

**Read 7:08 AM.**

~

Saya and Otabek ended up in the same hospital in central Almaty.

Yuri only knew this because he aggressively messaged her on Facebook until she threw the phone at her husband and told him, “deal with it”. Yuri didn’t blame her in the least, the stress of both being in labor and having her baby brother in critical condition was unimaginable. How Yuri was feeling was unimaginable.

He gathered his stuff into his carry on overly angrily (luckily he had only been in Hasetsu for two days so his clothes hadn’t exploded everywhere yet). Yuri was pulling his suitcase down the hallway with shaking hands while also scrolling on his phone through his travel agent’s available flights out of Narita, trying to get a flight that landed in Astana or Almaty as quickly as possible. As he passed Yuuri’s room, Viktor grabbed his hand and said in flat out Russian to make sure Yuri understood, “Please take a breath, we don’t want you to pass out.”

Yuri hadn’t even realized that he’d been hyperventilating until he collapsed onto the wall behind him. He slid down until he fell pitifully on his ass against the floor, and put his head between his knees, trying to push air into his lungs like he could forcibly shove oxygen into his brain.

“I’m gonna go get you some water, please don’t…” Viktor’s voice faded away, and Yuri’s mind went blank until he heard lighter footsteps than Viktor’s running down the hardwood hallway, and a gentle hand on his back. The touch caused a sob to break through the breathing. In a random moment of irony in this tone of despair, Yuri wondered to himself if Saya was feeling the same pain at this moment.

“We’re going to come to Seoul with you for the first layover,” Yuuri whispered as gently as possible while trying to sound grounding, “but it’s going to take time to get there.”

Viktor sat down on his knees in front of Yuri, offering a bottle of water and a small packet of prawn crackers. The blond lifted his head up and looked into Viktor’s eyes, his eyes feeling tender already and snot running down his face from his nose, until he jumped forward into a hug, “I just feel so helpless. Why is your guys’ go to comfort food always fucking crackers? They’re so dry and horrible.”

Yuri heard a small breathy scoff-like laugh come from Yuuri behind them as he came forward to put his hand on Yuri’s back again, “Just eat them, you’ll survive. I'm gonna go print off the tickets, then we’ll get to Fukuoka.”

~

The first thing Otabek saw when he opened his eyes was light. It wasn’t yellow or blue, warm or cold, it was just there, a purifying white light that beamed like nothing he had ever experienced in life.

_I love you, no matter what we decide, I will always love you._

The words, the letters, that were etched into his mind bounced in front of his face approaching closer and closer to him, so he closed his eyes.

He could hear Yuri saying those words. He could hear it with Yuri perched next to him on their sofa in St. Petersburg. He could hear Yuri saying them on the back of his motorcycle on their first attempt to drive from Saint to Moscow, years ago. He could hear Yuri saying that to him on their wedding day, smiling in front of the crowd for only him. He could hear Yuri saying that to him, tear streaked and red faced, at his funeral.

At that thought, he opened his eyes, letting the light fill his pupils. With a postured sigh, he turned and walked away, the deep inky blackness taking him again. It was not a feeling of fear this time, but the feeling of liberation and fulfillment. Of a love he had not known he had lost returning to his soul.

When Otabek's consciousness returned to him, the fluorescent lights dug into his retina and the scent of isopropyl alcohol striking his scent receptors. The first sound that disrupted the bubble around is conscious mind was the unmistakable cry of a infant.

~

 _Let me give my love to you_  
_Let me take your hand_  
_And as we walk in the dimming light_  
_Oh darling understand_

 _That everything_  
_Everything ends_  
_That everything_

_Everything ends._

**Author's Note:**

> This fic only exists because of my lovely perfect friend Rae requested it specifically (feat. Viktuuri wedding and my version of Otabek's sister). Rae is afab enby who swaps between preferring he and they pronouns, so they helped me as much as they could when it comes to the trans and nb elements. I tend to frame the Yurio's in my fics in a similar way, (even if it isn’t super apparent at first glance). 
> 
> Songs in this in order are “How Far I’ll Go - Auli’i Cravalho”, “Young - The Chainsmokers”, and “Something Just Like This - Coldplay”, and "Meet Me on the Equinox" by Death Cab for Cutie (which the title comes from! It's a surprisingly awesome bop for what it is ^_^)
> 
> p.s. i'm pixielle on tumblr and pixielle22 on twitter. Otabek is my boi so if you prefer more Otabek heavy content, that's where to find it. :P


End file.
